In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful. Dear followers and visitors to my page, I am a 27year old British Revert to Islam and I want to take you on this journey with me. I hope you can share in my love of Islam and learn new insights from my perspective. This will will be an honest account of personal experiences. In sha'Allah you will enjoy it :-)
I spoke to my mother on the phone a few days after Amr left this world. I told her that I wished I could just die, too. As best as I had tried to be patient and to bear it, it hurt more than anything I had ever felt and those words just came out.
For a long time I replayed that conversation in my mind and felt a looming sense of guilt over what I had said, and how I wasn’t patient, and how perhaps I had failed the test that Allah had given me. And then my friend reminded me of the verse referring to the story of Maryam:
'And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, “Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten”'(19: 23).
Allah didn’t respond to her cries by saying ‘do not wish for death’ or ‘be more patient’…rather He said, as a the most Merciful Lord seeing His beloved servant in pain: ‘Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream. And shake toward you the trunk of the palm tree; it will drop upon you ripe, fresh dates. So eat and drink and be contented’ (19:24-26).
How Merciful Allah is to have shown us such a human and authentic example of a woman who was in so much pain that she uttered her wish for death. And then to have also shown us how He, Subhanahu wa ta’ala, responded with assurance, mercy and love: ‘do not grieve.’
Allah (swt) created us and understands that we have great weaknesses, that we are so flawed and so imperfect. Even the greatest men and women were human, they grieved just as we do.
And so be easier on yourself, Allah understands. He wishes ease for us, He wishes to extend His Love and Mercy to us, we just have to actually wish for it, too.
Asmaa Hussein (via tmihijabi)
Sometime you just gotta be your own hero and save your own little heart. Because sometimes the people you can’t imagine living without, can actually live without you.